Letting it all go

"By faith in the name of Jesus, this man, whom you see and know was made strong." -Acts 3:16

This was in the Daily Bread this morning. Peter had just healed a cripple and the onlookers stared at him thinking that he (Peter) did it. I love that Peter automatically turns their focus to Christ, and off himself.

My struggle, my sin is and has been for a long time, pride. I think I can handle it all on my own.  I think I need God, but only so much or he can only come this far. He is softly and gently calling me to surrender that pride. I pray that he will show me true humility and brokenness over this sin. I want everything I do to be for His glory.

BUT.... lets be honest. That sounds good and fluffy. We could leave here and have a good Sunday morning service and be done with it. BUT....to truly think of taking down that pride barrier is scarey.  To feel so naked and weak in my flesh is terrifying. This is when I need to remember his love for me. He's not a ruler or dictator who wants to see me weak to mock me, or hurl insults at me. He loves me. He wants my humility and brokenness so He can redeem it, redeem me.

The song that Eric and I have clung to lately is "Oh, How he loves us." I'm just so reminded of that right now. As people, humans, we find it hard to be vulnerable, open, honest about who we are; about our weaknesses.  But lets think about who we are the most vulnerable with? When we were little it was our parents. We knew from birth that they loved us and we trusted them to take care of us no matter what. Now, as adults it's our spouse. Why are we able to be so vulnerable with them? Because we know they love us. Well how much more does our Savior love us? So why do I find it so difficult to set my defenses, pride, my control and security down? Because of sin. This pride is sin.

I've lived by this for so long. It's been my mask, it's comfortable. I know what this, to live by my pride, feels like. I don't know what it will look like to surrender that to the Lord.

I know that this is a process. I know that I want to be close to the Lord, while at the same time I feel my sinful nature saying "Don't! Hang on, you can do it! Don't trust, don't be weak!" It's like how Paul describes the sinful nature in Romans 7.

^" We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who does it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it"

Wow, confusing, but spoken so well Paul. How this reminds me of how much I need a savior.  So, here I go. I pray for brokenness over my sin.  I pray the Lord will lead me away from this desire to do it all on my own. I take encouragement from the awareness of his love; encouragement from the power of His plan, and knowledge. I know it will be a journey, but that's what we are called to. We are here going through the process of becoming more like Him and that means trusting Him.